I was told to tell the nurse about any sign of an allergic reaction and so about half an hour in I commented that I had just gotten a really bad headache and that I was starting to have the sensation of my throat closing. The nurse called the doctor, stopped the chemo and gave me an IV of benedryl. One gripe: when the doctor came in he spoke to the nurse less than a foot away from me without even looking at me for five minutes. He was charming and reassuring when he got around to looking at me but--call me picky--couldn't he have at least made eye contact with me whilst getting the lowdown from the nurse?
After being there for about an hour and a half I needed to change rooms as the nurse was going off duty. I trundled down the hall, IV bags a-swaying, rather bleary from the benedryl and just as I was smiling at the new nurse and about to say "Hello," I was introduced as "This is Herceptin." "Actually, I'm Zoe and I'm getting my first dose of Herceptin," I replied.
I'm not planning on making a big deal out of these dehumanizing moments...but I do feel as someone who is not easily intimidated by those in authority positions that if I can subtly remind heathcare providers that they are dealing with people not allergic reactions or chemotherapy cocktails then I should. That said, I want these people to like me...they put big fat needles into my veins, fetch me extra pillows and warm flannel blankies.
Finally, after 3 1/2 hours, I got to go home. Tom and Laura had been hanging out with the kids. I ate an entire papaya and went to bed before 8pm.Charlotte most endearingly bringing me peppermint tea of her own initiative. I'm so grateful that Charlotte and Zack are old enough and independent enough to put themselves to bed.
Chemo #1(b)--2/6/2009--Taxol and Carboplatin
Crazy morning trying to get myself ready to be at the Clinic for 8:30am as well as getting groggy kids up out of bed, getting us all fed. Tom arrived early to walk Sadie and return to take Zack to school. Charlotte prepped her lunch waiting for her carpool pick-up and surprised me by handling all the breakfast dishes so that I didn't have to come home to them.
I was the first patient in my room that has four chemo "stations" in it. They stagger arrivals so that it's not too nuts for the nurse. It was explained that there would be over an hour of pre-meds for anti-allergic reaction and anti-nausea and then about 4 1/2 hours of chemo.
I was feeling a bit anxious as the nurse the previous night had referred to the carboplatin as being the "nasty" one. To psyche myself up I had donned on my Fuck Cancer hat and made sure that I had brought along things to soothe, nourish and entertain: chanting tape, thermos of herbal tea, two huge SIGGs of water, home-made smoothie, IPOD chockful of Daily Show and Colbert Report, eye mask, etc.
The seven hours went by pretty smoothly...I didn't have any reactions this time, I had put a heating pad under my back so I avoided the back pain that I had had the afternoon before, my chemo companions were all very lovely. The one hard thing was to watch a young woman--F.-- (late 20's?) having a really rough time with her chemo--throwing up repeatedly. I was glad for my eye patch and BOSE headphones as I'm one of those people who is prone to empathetic puking. F. was so lovely and completely enamoured by my hat. "Where did you get that?" she asked in a calm moment and her equally lovely young husband wrote down the website address, which for those of you who are interested is: http://www.jackiefarry.com/ and click on the very top bar "Tell Cancer Where To Stick It." It can be yours too for only $20 US!
I felt really quite fine after the chemos in an "I know good drugs are helping me feel better than I would otherwise be feeling" kind of a way and decided that I would take the bus home so as to get some fresh air and sunshine and a bit of a walk prior to crashing. Zack was about to take off to spend a thank-god-my-first-mid-term-week-is-over weekend at Tom and Laura's and Charlotte went off to bake cookies with a friend.
I was asleep by 7:30pm and then awoke around midnight to that unfortunately familiar sensation of drowning from the inside out. Obviously my body just can't easily absorb lots of fluid at the moment and there was lots and lots of fluid in those IV bags. I just kept adding pillows until I could fall back asleep.
I know that whatever my worst of the chemo cycle will be between day 7 and day 14 and that I should expect to be harder and harder hit (relatively speaking) with each dose. That said, I can say that I am feeling relieved that I seem to be getting off lightly and am crossing fingers and knocking on wood that my constitution will be able to stand up to the onslaught with its usual fortitude.
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