Cliches To Live By

Despite powerful visualizations of ringing phones...I did not receive a call from my about-to-be new friends at the Chemo Booking Desk and continue to be on tenderhooks, trying to keep living, Mama-ing. healing, working, exercising, eating right, staying psyched, certain and centred; knowing that any day now that which I have just penciled into my Moleskine agenda book will need to be erased, re-thought and re-booked.

So what's one to do when the waiting gets tough? There's only one answer--do what's wanted and needed in the moment, minute, hour, day. And last night what that looked like was a mini Cancer Vacation! I had bought my daughter Charlotte 4 tickets to see So You Think You Can Dance Canada as her Winter Solstice gift. Charlotte and a fellow-dance-fiend buddy, Charlotte's beloved godmother Laura and I and 10,000 other wildly pyched, screaming-prone fans took in the fabulous show.

Earlier in the week, prior to the pleural tap, as I began to fear that I might drown from the inside out, the possibility of my making the show seemed increasingly unlikely. I began to hatch plans B, C, D and E but didn't say anything to Charlotte knowing how much she was looking forward to us all going together. Taking things day by day has never been so obviously essential. "Hope for the best, plan B for the rest," or something like that. We had a fantastic time. Part of my delight was watching the glowing face of Charlotte and her friend during the show and then watching them dance through the streets of downtown afterwards, full-to-the-brim with pleasure and possibility.

I went to bed happy and content, only to wake up two hours later my right arm numb and my back completely in spasm. It's a powerful reminder to say "Yes" to that which I wish/want/should do today as the next day it may not be an option. I'm not saying that to be dark and gloomy. It's just my experience. Not only that, the back pain won't last, but the memory of last night will.