Temporary Retreatment

It's time for me to go inward for a wee bit. Last week Zack had a sinus infection and missed two days of school. I was being cautious in terms of Hefneresque hand-washings, immune boosting etc. but could feel my body at the edge of sickness. I was working with pretty much trick that Lalitha has ever taught me and felt good about just barely averting illness.

But...I showed up on Friday for day one of Sacred Art of Dying Part II...hit a very intense emotional state and a cold/flu thinging came in like gangbusters.

I came home Saturday late afternoon and got straight into a hot bath and then went to bed. I got intense chills to the point that I slept with a very heavy wool hat on. Every time I had to get out of bed, it took my almost an hour to stop shivering. I just don't get sick like that normally and when I phoned Janie at Callanish to let her know that I just couldn't go to the last day of the workshop, she commented that my white blood-cell count is likely low and that's why I was feeling so ill. That reminded my that my oncologist had mentioned that it was already suppressed before my last dose of chemo.

This week on Wednesday afternoon I will have my next set of blood work done and meet with my oncologist who will have results from a CT scan that was done a couple of weeks ago, tumour markers (I already know that two are going in the right direction and that one is not) and my blood-work results. There is a certain level when the WBC count is too low to the point that one's chemo protocol is delayed. It is my understanding that I need to make great effort to avoid this so that I may continue my chemo cocktails at the optimal kill-the-cancer-but-not-quite-the person pace.

Chemo is scheduled for this Friday though there are a number of possible scenarios under which that may not happen. I'll know more Wednesday. Waiting for test results is really one of my least favourite things though it is a great opportunity to practice being in the moment. Really. Either my scan is better or it is worse. Either the tumour markers will cause my oncologist to suggest a change in my protocol or they won't. Either my white blood-cell count will allow me to continue chemo or it won't. All I can do about all of that is to take good care of my body. I rest is out of my hands...at least until Wednesday.

I have two days and lots of appointments and work to get done before chemo and it is sunny and the garden beckons as does my comfy bed and chairs placed strategically for maximizing vitamin D intake.

So...Saturday I spent the entire day either in bed or sorting through mountains of papers looking for things for my accountant and on Sunday...weeble that I am...I started to feel distinctly better. It helped of course that it was a glorious day. Some plants got planted...there was a lot of sibling trampoline bouncing...there was the traditional first day of the "music" truck (aka ice cream truck so named for the benefit of a mother with two young kids (me). The kids were four and two when I revealed to them that the nice man in the music truck was even nicer than they had imagined) driving by, opening of the wallet of the Mama as she gardens and the kids play/provoke one another.

Then into the car to take Charlotte to a class. I ended up with 90 minutes to have lunch and poke about the artisan co-ops at Granville Island. Charlotte joined me after her class and we ended our afternoon with some mother/daughter bonding over many things beautiful, innovative and well-crafted.

So...I am much better than I was two days ago and I need to be even better by Wednesday so I am putting myself on an energy-expenditure diet and going to try to slow down my pace.

I wish you all your desired mix of doing and of being. Ahhhhhhhhh...