Temporary Retreatment

It's time for me to go inward for a wee bit. Last week Zack had a sinus infection and missed two days of school. I was being cautious in terms of Hefneresque hand-washings, immune boosting etc. but could feel my body at the edge of sickness. I was working with pretty much trick that Lalitha has ever taught me and felt good about just barely averting illness.

But...I showed up on Friday for day one of Sacred Art of Dying Part II...hit a very intense emotional state and a cold/flu thinging came in like gangbusters.

I came home Saturday late afternoon and got straight into a hot bath and then went to bed. I got intense chills to the point that I slept with a very heavy wool hat on. Every time I had to get out of bed, it took my almost an hour to stop shivering. I just don't get sick like that normally and when I phoned Janie at Callanish to let her know that I just couldn't go to the last day of the workshop, she commented that my white blood-cell count is likely low and that's why I was feeling so ill. That reminded my that my oncologist had mentioned that it was already suppressed before my last dose of chemo.

This week on Wednesday afternoon I will have my next set of blood work done and meet with my oncologist who will have results from a CT scan that was done a couple of weeks ago, tumour markers (I already know that two are going in the right direction and that one is not) and my blood-work results. There is a certain level when the WBC count is too low to the point that one's chemo protocol is delayed. It is my understanding that I need to make great effort to avoid this so that I may continue my chemo cocktails at the optimal kill-the-cancer-but-not-quite-the person pace.

Chemo is scheduled for this Friday though there are a number of possible scenarios under which that may not happen. I'll know more Wednesday. Waiting for test results is really one of my least favourite things though it is a great opportunity to practice being in the moment. Really. Either my scan is better or it is worse. Either the tumour markers will cause my oncologist to suggest a change in my protocol or they won't. Either my white blood-cell count will allow me to continue chemo or it won't. All I can do about all of that is to take good care of my body. I rest is out of my hands...at least until Wednesday.

I have two days and lots of appointments and work to get done before chemo and it is sunny and the garden beckons as does my comfy bed and chairs placed strategically for maximizing vitamin D intake.

So...Saturday I spent the entire day either in bed or sorting through mountains of papers looking for things for my accountant and on Sunday...weeble that I am...I started to feel distinctly better. It helped of course that it was a glorious day. Some plants got planted...there was a lot of sibling trampoline bouncing...there was the traditional first day of the "music" truck (aka ice cream truck so named for the benefit of a mother with two young kids (me). The kids were four and two when I revealed to them that the nice man in the music truck was even nicer than they had imagined) driving by, opening of the wallet of the Mama as she gardens and the kids play/provoke one another.

Then into the car to take Charlotte to a class. I ended up with 90 minutes to have lunch and poke about the artisan co-ops at Granville Island. Charlotte joined me after her class and we ended our afternoon with some mother/daughter bonding over many things beautiful, innovative and well-crafted.

So...I am much better than I was two days ago and I need to be even better by Wednesday so I am putting myself on an energy-expenditure diet and going to try to slow down my pace.

I wish you all your desired mix of doing and of being. Ahhhhhhhhh...

Sacred Art of Dying II

I return to Callanish in the City for Part II of their inaugural workshop on the Sacred Art of Dying, today and tomorrow from 10am-5pm. Part of me would like to just stay close to home, spending the day divided between jewellery design, house de-disasterifying and gardening. Part of me is so happy to be back in the company of the very fine folk who source Callanish and the seven other participants.


I write this watching the sun rise colouring up the eastern sky, birds at the feeder, and reflect on the crazy month that I have had since Part I of the workshop. I have discovered advocacy and been part of a "take back Pacific Spirit Park" whistle initiative, started a new blog entitled: http://bethechangeyouwanttoseeinvancouver.blogspot.com/, written to the BC Cancer Agency about their--in my BFO--very unsavoury snack trolley and upon posting the letter on that blog after almost a month of awaiting a written response, received a hand-delivered letter from them less than 24 hours after mentioning that I was wondering about being in touch with some of my media contacts. I also with great efficiency was able to promote a very neat Earth Day event held in the parking lot of Lord Byng Secondary. Best Buy accepted people's old electronics to keep them out of the landfill. I heard through another parent that they had five times the response that had been expected. Thanks to all who participated and who now have less clutter in their homes.


I also had the great honour of being at the birth of friends' strapping bonny lad. That is truly a delicious memory. And then there was the meeting of this new being two days later with Zack and Charlotte. That was just an immense thrill for all of us.


I feel so full of live these days and know that it is because of being reminded of how precious and uncertain life is. I will go to Callanish to do the deepest work I am capable of so that I can maintain this appreciation of this life that is available to me this moment, moment, moment.


"A good death does honor to a whole life." ~Petrarch


"Apply yourself now, that at the hour of death, you may be glad and unafraid." ~Thomas à Kempis


"In my end is my beginning." ~T.S. Eliot


"When someone is born we rejoice,
When someone is married we celebrate
But when someone dies, we pretend that nothing happened." ~Margaret Mead

Perfect Day for Even a Moment of Holiday

Happy Spectacular Day dear Vancouver followers and lurkers! This is what we've all waited for--our first high-pressure system. Long may it last. All hail King Soleil. Roll-up those sleeves, don those groovy shades, smile at random people, get out of your car: walk and bike. Grab lunch in the sun. Plant the plant you bought on Earth Day. Hug a kid (if they are known to you). Spring has sprung!

Life is No Brief Candle to Me

This is the true joy in life, to be used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one, to be thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap. To be a force of nature instead of a feverish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am a member of a community and as a member it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can before I die. Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch that I want to make burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”

George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)Irish literary Critic, Playwright and Essayist1925 Nobel Prize for Literature

Photo by Gabe Kircheimer

I'm a Weeble...

and as we all know: Weebles Wobble But They Don't Fall Down.

No matter what is thrown my way these days...and there has been a lot, much more than would be appropriate to put into a blog...I somehow keep managing to pop back up. Yes I do fall over. I go out, I appear to have tons of energy, be animated and engaged and then as soon as I am hope I go to bed.

For about a week to ten days after each chemo round, I am very low functioning. Then there is daily life of a single mom with a teen and a tween, that requires some sharp thinking which is on the other end of the continuum from chemo brain. Then there are interactions with the outside world. I have been saying for about a week now: "I'm just one side of crazy, but I'm not sure which."

On Saturday I was on the wrong side of crazy and realized yesterday that I must, must, must be much more judicious with my energy expenditure if I am going to somehow be able to "buy" an big fat life extension.

Luckily for me I have the resilient gene. I am a weeble and thankfully weebles wobble but they don't fall down.

http://www.weebles-wobble.com/


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weeble



And, of course, today's post would not be complete without a mention of our Canucks who are leading the first series of the playoffs against the Blues 3-0.

My resident statistician informs me that only two teams in the entire NHL history have come back from being down 3-0 in any series.

I made Zack cross when we were watching the final minutes of yesterday's game. I said "I feel sorry for the Blues." Zack looked at me in horror, asking me how on earth I could say that and telling me that I must leave the room if I planned on continuing on with that tack. I said that I a mom and I just can't help it but I did zip it as there is nothing more fun that watching playoff hockey with my boy when it's the Canucks who are playing and whoopin' the Blues.

What's New Pussycat?

Yesterday, at the time that I would usually be entertaining myself with some new blog entry whilst watching the day dawn, drinking green tea and perusing The Globe and Mail and The Vancouver Sun, I receive the call. The call that I have been ready and waiting for for days. The call that I feared might come during last weekend's chemo combat recovery period. But no, it came yesterday!

Oh. You're wondering what on earth I'm on about? Well, it's not really my news to tell so here's the highly-edited version.

I had the great honour of being invited to be present and involved at the birth of a very, very dear friend's first child. It is the very first time that I have had such an invitation. It was of course the third birth I have been present at, if one can be called "present" during labour but the very first time that I was not the one doing all the hard work.

Mama and Baby did their parts impeccably and are doing great and Dad is justifiably, chest-swellingly proud of both of them.

I spent the late afternoon with my Mama hat back on, profoundly effected by what I had witnessed in the morning. The miracle of life. The abilities of two humans to make another human. The perfection that is a new human being.

Charlotte was having a very brief--I need food--tween moment and I said to her that she was lucky that I had had such a brilliant experience earlier in the day and was feeling so ecstatic otherwise she would have been on the receiving end of a very cranky Mama.

And another thing.........CANUCKS ROCK!

According to the statistician-in-residence, 90% of teams who win the first two games of a playoff series go on to win the series.

Have an awesome weekend.
Zoë

Going Global--Maiwa auction Thursday, April 16th, 7:30pm in the Net Loft on Granville Island

Ajrakh Auction

Thursday, April 16th at 7:30 pm in the Net Loft on Granville Island

Join us [Maiwa] as we transform the Net Loft into a gallery. There will be a multi-media presentation and talk by Charllotte Kwon on the Khatri community of traditional blockprinters from Dhamadka, India, and the present water crisis.

There will be music, food, refreshments, and wine. But the most exciting part of the evening will be the live auction of textiles. Exquisite double sided ajrakhs, textiles from the Maiwa Collection, Jewelry and other items will be put up for bid.

During this evening, the Maiwa store will be open and 100% of the sale price of all items sold will be donated to the Foundation for Project Dhamadka.
Due to limited space please
RSVP to Maiwa 604 669 3939
or maiwa@maiwa.com

Please come and support us.

Want to Know More?
We've put pictures of these incredible double sided auction pieces up in a previous post.
Curious about how an ajrakh is made?
We've put up pictures of one cloth going through sixteen stages of production. With a double-sided ajrakh these stages must be performed on each side of the cloth. It takes an entire set of wooden blocks to print an ajrakh. Sometimes the pattern is asymetric - this means a separate set of blocks must be carved for each side.
The pi�ce de r�sistance? A double-sided ajrakh printed with different colours on each side!
Want to hear the Khatris themselves speak about ajrakh?
Listen to our three podcasts featuring the Khatri brothers from Dhamadka and Ajrakpur.
Excerpts from
Masters of the Art
The Khatri Blockprinters of Dhamadka and Ajrakhpur
Part 1 - Presentation
Razzaque Mohammed Khatri and Ismail Mohammed Khatri
with Eiluned Edwards
Excerpts from
Masters of the Art
The Khatri Blockprinters of Dhamadka and Ajrakhpur
Part 2 - Questions from the Audience with
Razzaque Mohammed Khatri and Ismail Mohammed Khatri
and Eiluned Edwards
Excerpts from
Kismet, Ajrakh, and the Fish of Knowledge:
Collaborating with Craftspeople in India
Eiluned Edwards